July 4th – What Am I Afraid Of?

Hi all!

Welcome to Day 4 of the 31 Day Blogging Challenge! Today, I’ve been asked to share what I am afraid of. I will list some of the basic things that scare me as well as my deeper, internal fears.

BASIC FEARS: 

  • Butterflies & Moths (basically all insects but mainly these two) – this fear originated when I went to sleep one evening, felt something crawling on my face and watched a big moth flying around me when I hurriedly switched the light on. I was never the same after that!
  • Vomiting – to be honest, whilst being sick yourself is never pleasant, it actually bothers me more to see others vomit than to do it myself. I have emetophobia which is an extreme fear of seeing it, hearing it, smelling it…*shudders* I’m really not sure when or where this began but it makes me feel yucky just discussing it.
  • Demonic possession – let me explain! When I was 18, I watched The Exorcist for the first time and it completely traumatised me. For a month afterwards I was terrified I would be possessed by the devil and even slept in bed with my mum (how embarrassing!). Once I dug deeper, I realised the underlying fear was not being in control and to this day, any movie or show that involves possession gives me nightmares.
  • Boats – this relates to my emetophobia. Being on boats means I am more likely to see others be sick and therefore I try to avoid them as much as possible. In December 2015, Francis & I went on a snorkelling tour in Cairns which operated under such extreme weather conditions that I had to watch everybody around me be sick. Luckily I was able to keep everything down but I suffered intense panic attacks all day because of it. Traumatic!
  • Swooping Birds – yes I am a big scaredy-cat if you couldn’t tell by now. Back when I was at University, I had to walk across the grounds to get to class and during springtime, I would get constantly swooped; sometimes even getting grazed by a beak or two. It made me so scared that I started driving to class despite living 5 minutes away!
  • Big Dogs – when I was younger, I was attacked by a giant dog in a park. Years later, another big dog tried to bite me so it makes perfect sense that I am a bit jittery around them now!

DEEPER FEARS: 

  • After having Generalised Anxiety Disorder not once but twice in my life, I always have this fear that it will return and cripple me again. I certainly feel much more confident that it won’t ever return but you never know, so I do whatever I can to keep me calm, relaxed and mindful.
  • Following on from a fear that something will return, when I was 16, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is now a 10+ year survivor and very healthy but when you love someone so much, you just can’t help but fear the worst sometimes…
  • Sometimes I fear I won’t get to see enough of the world, read enough books, do or experience enough things in time before I die. I know this is a very common fear.
  • I fear big-scale things that make me avoid the news such as wars & terrorism.
  • As mentioned, my fear of demonic possession really relates to my fear of not being in control. Vomiting is something I can’t control and either is being inebriated hence why I don’t drink alcohol or take drugs (one of many reasons!).  Panic attacks also takes away your control. It is a very common theme in my life. I’m not sure where it stems from but not being in control always stirs up feelings of angst & uncertainty.

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The best thing about this blogging challenge is it allows others to come forward & share their thoughts/opinions. What are some of your fears? Could you relate to mine? See you tomorrow!

Peace & Love xoxo

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2 thoughts on “July 4th – What Am I Afraid Of?

  1. I am sorry to hear you have quite a few debilitating fears but good on you for being able to control them. Pardon me for chuckling a bit at the bird one, because birds like to swoop at me too as much as I like looking at them and taking photos of them 😀 Once I was walking at university and a bird swooped at my face and it actually connected with the top of my left eyebrow with a “thunk”. At first I didn’t mind but a second later that spot on my head felt very painful and I had a lump from it! Til this day whenever I see a bird come in my direction, I will duck. Same goes for people throwing or kicking balls around.

    It is encouraging to hear you battle your anxiety, such a trooper to admit it and do something about it 🙂 Personally I don’t think we can be cured from anxiety. As you said, it is a matter of controlling it and some of us do it better than others. Different stage of our lives will also determine how we control our mental and emotional issues and how we react to them. Love your approach to it – feeling relax and calm with techniques like yoga and meditating 🙂

    Sometimes when you believe in fate and the stats aligning, it is hard to gain a sense of control…because everything happens because it’s meant to be ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mabel! Haha the birds one makes me laugh although it can be scary when you see one coming right at you! I’m sorry one hurt you 😦 I agree that anxiety cannot be cured, it can only be managed. I love what you wrote ‘sometimes when you believe in fate and the stars aligning, it is hard to gain a sense of control because everything happens because it’s meant to be 🙂 so true! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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