Welcome to Day 17 of the 31 Day Blogging Challenge in July! Today, I am going to share my proudest moment in life. I had to think long and hard about this one. This wasn’t because I didn’t feel I had anything to be proud of but rather that I had several things and wanted to select the most significant one. I nearly mentioned my books being published or my yoga teacher certification. I was close to writing about my graduation from university or the time I backpacked by myself through China for 2 weeks but none of them quite fit the bill. Then it came to me. My proudest moment was not limited to one specific moment. It revolved around a series of moments that led me to the blessed life I have right now…
My proudest moment began when I chose to love myself. I mean really love and cherish the wonderful individual that I am. You may think this sounds conceited but I learnt pretty quickly that there was nothing wrong with self-love and everything right with it. If everybody truly loved themselves, there would be an abundance of peace and happiness in this world.
Without getting too in-depth into my story, I commenced this liberating journey after enduring an awful breakup over 5 years ago, having a nervous breakdown, losing a mass amount of weight from a mental illness and moving back home. I had literally hit rock bottom. There was nothing left of me. Every single day, I would suffer through several panic attacks and cry to my mum that I wanted to end my life. I didn’t know what happiness was and my future seemed incredibly bleak. She was my rock, constantly supporting me and promising me there was a light at the end of this black, haunting tunnel. I began to meditate twice a day for 20 minutes and slowly, slowly began to panic less. I took baby steps in regards to leaving my house and attempting to be social. The skinny, malnourished girl I had become began to put on weight and I recognised a life-changing opportunity in front of me. This was my moment to start my entire life over. I could make it whatever I wanted it to be but first, I needed to get 100% real and honest with myself. I made a commitment right there and then that I wouldn’t stop until I truly loved myself. I bought a giant journal, books on self-love and began to read and write until I didn’t just understand the concepts, I felt them deep within me. There were times when I had to answer really difficult questions about my past; questions that were so painful I would sob on my bedroom floor. However, no matter how deep I felt the knife stabbing through my heart, I just kept pushing deeper. I refused to stop until I had uncovered every last morsel of unwanted truth and knew with absolute conviction that there was nothing left to hide.
Once I had reached that point of no return, I began to build myself up again and this time, I had a steady foundation of self-love and respect to work with. I told myself that I would never again work in a job that made me unhappy so I didn’t apply for any that I knew would. With patience and determination, I waited months until I finally found a job that I have been happily in for 4 years now. I made a promise to myself that I would rather die alone than settle for just any man ever again. I drummed it into my head that it was an absolute privilege to sleep with me and not just anybody could. I went on dates and knew instantly that they were not for me. Sure they would ease my loneliness but long term there was nothing there. I did not enter into a relationship with anybody for over a year until I met Francis. Within a week, I knew he was the man I would spend the rest of my life with and I can honestly say, I had never been more sure of anything in my entire life. Francis and I will be married in less than 4 months but I will tell you right now, if something was to happen to us (which I hope against hope it never does), I would still rather die alone than settle for anybody ever again. Even more so now that I know what true love really feels like. I also made a vow to myself that every single day moving forward, I would check in with my needs and mental health. I’m not afraid to admit I talk to myself sometimes. There will be days where I actually ask myself as I drive to work ‘how are you?’ ‘Are you happy?’ ‘Why do you feel the way you do today?’ The thing about being openly and bluntly honest with yourself is it gets easier the more you do it. Years ago when I was still deeply insecure, I couldn’t admit that my job made me feel lifeless or the guy I was dating didn’t suit me. I found it scary to face the fact that my life was a little dull and that certain friends brought out the worst in me. Now, I am onto it like a flash! If I am feeling depressed, I investigate it immediately and take necessary action to turn it around. If I am overwhelmed at a social event, I leave and look after myself. If this job that I’m in now began to take a toll of me mentally and physically, I would apply for a new position elsewhere.
Self-love means recognising how worthy and deserving you are of the best things in life. When you acknowledge how wonderful you are inside and out, you begin to radiate on a higher frequency and attract beautiful things. You aren’t afraid to listen to your intuition anymore because you know it has your best interests at heart. The life I lead now is the happiest, most fulfilling existence one could ever ask for and it’s all because I chose me. This is my proudest moment.
I apologise for the rather lengthy post but I am so evidently passionate about self-love. I hope you enjoyed it and it inspired you to go on the same journey. I welcome all feedback below. Until then, see you tomorrow!
Peace & Love xoxo