Today I wish to discuss a topic dear to my heart. As of right now, I’m just shy of 38 weeks pregnant which means that our little love is due at any moment! I’ve been thinking a lot about the type of relationship I want to form with my baby and what I can give her, that I didn’t have growing up. All parents want the best for their children. They want them to have opportunities they didn’t and dreams to follow. In my case, what I desire with all my heart for our daughter stems back to my childhood…
If you read What My Father Taught Me… you would know that I didn’t have the easiest upbringing. I grew up in an extremely toxic environment filled with fear, anxiety and uncertainty. I remember begging my mum to leave my dad. I had a nervous breakdown at the age of 13 which left me constantly wishing I lived somewhere else. I never got to witness my parents in love. I couldn’t understand other girls that adored their fathers. I had no idea what a ‘normal’ family looked like. I don’t write this for pity or to be negative. I am sharing this because now, I have the best opportunity to give our child everything I never had.
When parents talk about giving their children everything, they usually refer to financial security. This is usually due to one or both of the parents growing up with little in the way of money and possessions. Whilst I understand this need to a certain degree, it can sometimes lead to over-compensation, resulting in spoiling the child. It may seem like a selfless act to fulfill every desire the child has but it actually does more harm than good. The son or daughter will typically end up not appreciating anything, feeling very unsatisfied with life and unable to value hard work. I want my child to live comfortably but I certainly don’t plan on overloading her with gifts from the moment she is born. I want her to be truly grateful for what she has in life; not always wanting more and never feeling satisfied.
The same can be said for the ‘failed’ athlete/doctor/lawyer etc. in the mother or the father. Some parents push their children into careers they are not interested in as a way of living vicariously through them. This can place an enormous amount of pressure and unhappiness on a child who would rather paint than go to business school. There is nothing wrong with encouraging hobbies and passions but if you can see that your son or daughter isn’t interested, it is best not to force them to continue just because you didn’t get the same opportunities in life.
Nothing makes me happier than knowing our child will grow up in a safe, stable environment with two parents that love each other so much. Nothing soothes my soul more than knowing I am providing my girl with a wonderful, loving and sensitive father. Nothing lights me up inside like knowing that our baby will have a non-toxic childhood. She won’t ever fear for her life or feel like she is living in a nightmare day after day. Home will be a haven for her; a place full of joyful memories and traditions that she will never forget.
Personally, the best gift I can give our child is a loving and happy household with two devoted parents working together as a team. We will be involved, present and emotionally/physically available. We will build our daughter up to love herself, chase her dreams and spread kindness/compassion to all. We will read to her, show her the world, culture her, teach her our values and nurture any passions that bloom. She will always be able to count on us. When she looks into the crowd, her parents will be smiling back, proud as proud as can be. When she has her heart broken, we will have open hearts, arms and minds to comfort her. Wherever she goes and whoever she becomes, she can know with absolute certainty that she is loved unconditionally. Francis and I are so excited to start our new family. I’m not saying we will be perfect (nobody is!) but with our love, shared morals and dedication, I am confident that our child will be able to reflect back on her life someday with happiness. What more could we want than that?
Thank you so much for reading.
Peace & Love xoxo