Today I wish to discuss a topic dear to my heart. As of right now, I’m just shy of 38 weeks pregnant which means that our little love is due at any moment! I’ve been thinking a lot about the type of relationship I want to form with my babies and what I can give them, that I didn’t have growing up. All parents want the best for their children. They want them to have opportunities they didn’t and dreams to follow. In my case, what I desire with all my heart for our daughter (and her future sibling), stems back to my childhood…
If you read What My Father Taught Me… you would know that I didn’t have the easiest upbringing. I grew up in an extremely toxic environment filled with fear, anxiety and uncertainty. I remember begging my mum to leave my dad. I had a nervous breakdown at the age of 13 which left me constantly wishing I lived somewhere else. I never got to witness my parents in love. I couldn’t understand other girls that adored their fathers. I had no idea what a ‘normal’ family looked like. I don’t write this for pity or to be negative. I am sharing this because now, I have the best opportunity to give our children everything I never had.
When parents talk about giving their children everything, they usually refer to financial security. This is usually due to one or both of the parents growing up with little in the way of money and possessions. Whilst I understand this need to a certain degree, it can sometimes lead to over-compensation, resulting in spoiling the child. It may seem like a selfless act to fulfil every desire the child has but it actually does more harm than good. The son or daughter will typically end up not appreciating anything, feeling very unsatisfied with life and unable to value hard work. I want my children to live comfortably but I certainly don’t plan on overloading them with gifts from the moment they are born. I want them to be truly grateful for what they have in life, not always wanting more and never feeling satisfied.
The same can be said for the ‘failed’ athlete/doctor/lawyer etc. in the mother or the father. Some parents push their children into careers they are not interested in as a way of living vicariously through them. This can place an enormous amount of pressure and unhappiness on a child who would rather paint than go to business school. There is nothing wrong with encouraging hobbies and passions but if you can see that your son or daughter isn’t interested, it is best not to force them to continue just because you didn’t get the same opportunities in life.
Nothing makes me happier than knowing our children will grow up in a safe, stable environment with two parents that love each other so much. Nothing soothes my soul more than knowing I am providing my children with a wonderful, loving and sensitive father. Nothing lights me up inside like knowing that our babies will have a normal childhood. They won’t ever fear for their lives or feel like they are living in a nightmare day after day. Home will be a haven for them; a place full of joyful memories and traditions that they will never forget.
Personally, the best gift I can give our children is a loving and happy household with two devoted parents working together as a team. We will be involved, present and emotionally/physically available. We will build our children up to love themselves, chase their dreams and spread kindness/compassion to all. We will read to them, show them the world, culture them, teach them our values and nurture any passions that bloom. They will always be able to count on us. When they look into the crowd, their parents will be smiling back, proud as proud as can be. When they have their hearts broken, we will have open hearts, arms and minds to comfort them. Wherever they go and whoever they become, they can know with absolute certainty that they are loved unconditionally. Francis and I are so excited to start our new family. I’m not saying we will be perfect (nobody is!) but with our love, shared morals and dedication, I am confident that our children will be able to reflect back on their lives someday with happiness. What more could we want than that?
Thank you so much for reading.
Peace & Love xoxo