Today I will be answering some triggering questions. I got this idea from the TBH Podcast I listen to every single Friday. It’s going to be quite a vulnerable post, so please go gently. Feel free to answer them yourself too. You may undergo some self-discovery along the way! Without further ado, let’s get into it!
1.) When was the last time you cried and why?
The last time I cried was at an online memorial for somebody that passed away, who I used to work with. It was extremely heartbreaking.
2.) What do you think stands between you and happiness?
At this point, probably the pandemic. I am trying to find happiness even in lockdown, but it’s been such a long, tiring journey for all of us. It’s hard to feel joyful. You don’t realise how much life you took for granted when the tiniest of freedoms are no longer available to you. I’m hoping by the end of the year, we can begin to resume some sense of normalcy – whatever that is…
3.) What will you never do?
I’ve come to the stage in life where I never say never anymore. After I had Abigail, I went back on a lot of things I said I would never do. I believe we don’t know what we will and won’t do until we are put in that particular, unique situation. Having said that, I don’t see myself ever being unfaithful, abusive or nasty to others.
4.) What kind of friend do you try to be?
I try to be the kind of friend others can count on. I want my closest friends to know they can rely on me to be there for them and that I’ll happily listen no matter what they have to say. I’m not the crazy, fun friend who is going to give you a wild night out. I’m the sensible, loyal and reliable one. At least, I strive to be!
5.) When you look into the past, what do you miss the most?
I miss normal life! I miss being able to travel freely and see my family/friends whenever I want to. I miss exploring new places on the weekend and making plans I know will come to pass. There is so much I miss before Covid-19 came into our lives.
6.) What do you understand about your life today that you didn’t a year ago?
I understand today that I’m tired of fighting who I am. Embracing every single part of me, has made my life so much easier. I know I have anxiety. I know I have OCD. I know I struggle to let go of control. Making peace with those things has allowed me to make room for them, acknowledge them and work with them rather than against them. Also, showing vulnerability to others goes a long way.
7.) Has your greatest fear ever come true?
I’ve had a lot of fears in my life. Some have come to pass, others haven’t. My greatest fear is losing my immediate family. I hope I never have to experience what that is like.
8.) Who do you compare yourself to the most?
When I had my previous Instagram account (that I’ve since deleted) I used to compare myself to other vegan influencers. I tried so hard to be like them, I completely lost myself. I could do an entire blog post on just that topic. Since moving away from that community, I have never felt more authentic. I still have moments where I compare myself to other mothers and feel like I’m not doing enough, but as soon as those intrusive thoughts creep in, I stop following them.
9.) When do you most feel like yourself?
When I’m reading, writing and creating content. That’s where I thrive. It has been the most consistent passion I’ve had since childhood. No matter how many things I try and how many years pass, I always come home to those hobbies.
10.) What is your biggest trigger?
My biggest trigger is not being understood/believed. The worst thing you can do to me, is make me feel alone. I feel loneliest when I’m not heard or seen. I’ve worked on this a lot in therapy, but I don’t think I’ll ever get to a stage where it doesn’t affect me on some level. I’m just better at understanding it now.
Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed this post. Let me know your thoughts and opinions down below.
Peace & Love xoxo