Hi all!
Today I am going to be ranking every horror movie directed by the talented Rob Zombie. Please keep in mind, I will not be mentioning Werewolf Women of the SS (a two-minute short film), The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (an adult film/very hard to find) and The Zombie Horror Picture Show (Rob’s concert on screen). I have already mentioned in a previous post that he is one of my favourite horror directors of all time. He’s so misunderstood and definitely not for everybody, but if you’re a fan like me, you tend to love most things he puts out. Without further ado, from best to worst, here is my list!
1.) 31
In first place, my absolute favourite Rob Zombie movie is 31. It has everything I want in a horror film. Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, hellish compound, where they are forced to participate in a violent game. The goal is to survive twelve hours against a gang of sadistic clowns, named ‘The Heads.’ The leader, ‘Doom Head’, delivers an incredible monologue at the beginning of this film, that made me instantly give it 5/5 stars. As the victims navigate the maze-like set of rooms, there are people dressed in aristocratic clothing and powdered wigs, who watch and place bets on who they believe will live. I won’t give away the ending, but it’s epic. Be warned, this is quite a gory, intense viewing experience. It’s not for the faint of heart. However, if you love game-style scenarios, you should enjoy this one. It’s so underrated!
2.) House of 1000 Corpses
This film birthed my love for Rob Zombie as a director. I remember watching it for the first time as a teenager with my best friend. Released in 2003, the story follows two couples that are travelling by car, when an empty fuel tank and flat tire leads them down a terror-riddled road to the House of 1000 Corpses. They soon meet a cast of twisted individuals who, with each slash of a throat or stab through the chest, add bodies to their sick human menagerie. It’s here, that we are introduced to the three monsters themselves: Captain Spaulding, Otis and Baby (played by Sheri Moon – Rob Zombie’s actual wife). Each one is more deranged than the last. Prepare yourself. This movie is intense and extremely violent. You’re always going to get a raw and gritty feature with Rob at the helm. Furthermore, it has one of the best movie soundtracks. Period! I have listened to the entire thing more than I care to admit.
3.) The Munsters
You may be surprised to see The Munsters in third place, but I loved it and will die on that hill. Based on the iconic, black-and-white television show from the 60’s, Rob brings his version to the big screen in complete and vibrant colour. It tells the story of Herman and Lily meeting and moving into their dark mansion on Mockingbird Lane. There are plenty of puns, silly gags and bizarre moments as the Munsters attempt to blend into society. I never thought I would see the day where Rob Zombie directed a PG-13 film but he did it and I’m so impressed. He didn’t rely on any of his usual tropes and yet you could still feel his essence in the final product. If you thought this movie was too corny…that’s the point!
4.) Halloween
Will I get cancelled if I admit I actually prefer Rob Zombie’s Halloween over the 2018 remake? Not the original, just the remake! There’s more heart and grit. We see Michael Myers as a child, hear him speak and get a sense of how he became such an infamous serial killer. We learn about his love of masks and shoddy upbringing. My biggest issue with the Halloween franchise, is the lack of personality from the main villain. It’s an unpopular opinion, but I like my antagonists to converse, not just kill for killing’s sake. It was a brave move but once again, Rob pulled it off!
5.) The Devil’s Rejects
I apologise to my best friend for putting The Devil’s Rejects so far down on my list. It is absolutely iconic, but I just preferred the other movies more. This is the sequel to House of 1000 Corpses. After a raid on the rural home of the psychopathic Firefly family, two members of the clan: Otis and Baby, manage to flee the scene. Heading to a remote desert motel, the killers reunite with Baby’s father, Captain Spaulding, who is equally demented and intent on maintaining their murder spree. While the trio continues to torment and kill various victims, the vengeful Sheriff Wydell slowly closes in on them. In my opinion, the most memorable moment in this film was the ending. It really shocked me. I commend Rob for creating such a solid follow-up to House of 1000 Corpses.
6.) Halloween II
Coming in third last, we have Halloween II. A year after narrowly escaping death at the hands of Michael Myers, Laurie Strode is at breaking point. She is pushed closer to the edge by Dr. Loomis’ revelation that she is Michael’s sister. Little does she know; the unstoppable killer is back in Haddonfield, and he is determined to bring about a bloody family reunion. Honestly, the sequel was pretty decent. My main criticism was not a lot happened. It felt a bit unnecessary, in that it was quite similar to the first film. However, I enjoyed it for what it was.
7.) 3 From Hell
In second last place, we have 3 From Hell. This is the third and final film in the Firefly trilogy (House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil’s Rejects). Crazed killers Baby, Otis and Foxy Coltrane, unleash mayhem against unsuspecting victims after a prison break-out and a road-trip to Mexico. This was such a swing and a miss for me. I know the actor who played Captain Spaulding actually passed away, but he was killed off in the first five minutes of the movie, which gave it a very different feel to the rest of the series. Furthermore, the story started strong but nose-dived in the second half. It went in quite a bizarre, disjointed direction. I like to pretend it doesn’t exist. Sorry Rob!
8.) The Lords of Salem
In last place, we have The Lords of Salem. A radio DJ (Sheri Moon Zombie) in Salem, is plagued by nightmarish visions of vengeful witches after she plays a record by a mysterious group known only as: “The Lords.” Oh boy, this was one weird movie. I really liked Sheri’s performance as Heidi, but I did not like the story. It lacked the horror elements I’ve known to expect and love from Rob. It had potential but unfortunately didn’t live up to the rest of his works.
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this post. Do you like Rob Zombie movies? Which are your favourites?
Peace & Love xoxo
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