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Hi all!
Welcome to Day 4 of the 31 Day Blogging Challenge! Today, I’ve been asked to share what I am afraid of. I will list some of the basic things that scare me as well as my deeper, internal fears.
BASIC FEARS:
- Butterflies & Moths (basically all insects but mainly these two) – this fear originated when I went to sleep one evening, felt something crawling on my face and watched a big moth flying around me when I hurriedly switched the light on. I was never the same after that!
- Vomiting – to be honest, whilst being sick yourself is never pleasant, it actually bothers me more to see others vomit than to do it myself. I have emetophobia which is an extreme fear of seeing it, hearing it, smelling it…*shudders* I’m really not sure when or where this began but it makes me feel yucky just discussing it.
- Demonic possession – let me explain! When I was 18, I watched The Exorcist for the first time and it completely traumatised me. For a month afterwards I was terrified I would be possessed by the devil and even slept in bed with my mum (how embarrassing!). Once I dug deeper, I realised the underlying fear was not being in control and to this day, any movie or show that involves possession gives me nightmares.
- Boats – this relates to my emetophobia. Being on boats means I am more likely to see others be sick and therefore I try to avoid them as much as possible. In December 2015, Francis & I went on a snorkelling tour in Cairns which operated under such extreme weather conditions that I had to watch everybody around me be sick. Luckily I was able to keep everything down but I suffered intense panic attacks all day because of it. Traumatic!
- Swooping Birds – yes I am a big scaredy-cat if you couldn’t tell by now. Back when I was at University, I had to walk across the grounds to get to class and during springtime, I would get constantly swooped; sometimes even getting grazed by a beak or two. It made me so scared that I started driving to class despite living 5 minutes away!
- Big Dogs – when I was younger, I was attacked by a giant dog in a park. Years later, another big dog tried to bite me so it makes perfect sense that I am a bit jittery around them now!
DEEPER FEARS:
- After having Generalised Anxiety Disorder not once but twice in my life, I always have this fear that it will return and cripple me again. I certainly feel much more confident that it won’t ever return but you never know, so I do whatever I can to keep me calm, relaxed and mindful.
- Following on from a fear that something will return, when I was 16, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is now a 10+ year survivor and very healthy but when you love someone so much, you just can’t help but fear the worst sometimes…
- Sometimes I fear I won’t get to see enough of the world, read enough books, do or experience enough things in time before I die. I know this is a very common fear.
- I fear big-scale things that make me avoid the news such as wars & terrorism.
- As mentioned, my fear of demonic possession really relates to my fear of not being in control. Vomiting is something I can’t control and either is being inebriated hence why I don’t drink alcohol or take drugs (one of many reasons!). Panic attacks also takes away your control. It is a very common theme in my life. I’m not sure where it stems from but not being in control always stirs up feelings of angst & uncertainty.
The best thing about this blogging challenge is it allows others to come forward & share their thoughts/opinions. What are some of your fears? Could you relate to mine? See you tomorrow!
Peace & Love xoxo